When maintaining the role of Listener we can move between the following options, all with the intention of supporting the other person in having the experience of “being heard” – i.e. meeting needs for connection and empathy.
* Silent Presence
· * Reflection (matching intensity of the speaker with tone, volume, body/facial language)
1) Word for word reflection / Quoting
E.g. “OK – so you’re saying I need to stop complaining and cheer up and count myself lucky
because it could be much worse?”
2) Summarizing Paraphrasing what we’re understanding
E.g. “Ok – so you’re saying you want me to cheer up?”
3) Brief repeating or guessing of feelings and/or needs
E.g. “Are you getting impatient because we’re not having fun yet?”
4) A combination of the above
E.g. “I heard you tell me to cheer up – which has me wondering if you’re getting impatient and
just wanting to have a fun evening?”
(extracted from an document “Range of Option for the Listener/Reflector Role” by Newt Bailey, www.communicationdojo.com)