NVC Requests are expressed in clear, positive, concrete language that allow for choice, rather than as demands.
*Requests assume I’m willing to hear ‘NO’!*
Effective requests are SMART:
Specific, Measurable, Achievable (do-able), Relevant, Time-limited.
Requests are either: CONNECTING or ACTION requests:
I ask for Empathy (I want to know you heard what’s going on for me)
Would you be willing to tell me what you just heard me say?
Would you tell me your understanding of my feelings and needs?
Would you be willing to listen to me talk about my experience?
I ask for Honesty (I want to know what’s going on for you)
Would you tell me how you’re feeling about what I just said?
Would you tell me what specifically I can do that would help you feel more confident that I understand what you’re saying?
I ask For (us):
Would you spend some time with me trying to come up with solutions that would work for both of us?
Would you tell me if there is any way for us to work this out other than my agreeing to your request?
Would you be willing to do the five chores on the list this afternoon after lunch?
If I get a “No”
A. Would you tell me what specifically I can do that would help you feel more confident that I understand what you are saying?
B. Would you tell me what you need to know in order to agree with my request?
C. Would you tell me what needs of your are preventing you from saying “yes” to my request?
D. Would you tell me what you’re hearing in my expression that’s leading you to say “no” to my request?
Download 'Making Requests'